“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”  -Bill Maher

            They say that 85% of communication is nonverbal-which is usually understood as the process of communication through sending and receiving wordless messages. Nonverbal is communicated through gesture or touch; it’s often through body language or posture, facial expression or eye contact. Very often, people can read one another and learn things through object communication, such as clothing and even hairstyles. There are many friends of mine who think that I have this vast mental storeroom of dating knowledge and lessons on life, but to be perfectly honest, I’m simply a regular guy who learns from his mistakes. When it comes to dating, I’ve probably made every dumb mistake out there-with the exception of impregnating someone! (knocking on wood) I’ve passed on good sistas for dumb reasons, and I’ve attempted to talk politics with whores, and women who had the mental capacity of a grilled cheese sandwich. But, as I was always told growing up: “Successful people are successful because they learn from their mistakes.”


            I don’t know everything about sistas…I don’t even try to pretend that I know. One thing I’ve been getting damn good at in recent years that has prevented me from making dumb mistakes over and over, is the fact that I pay attention to detail; and I pay close attention to the nonverbal communication of people. Mix that in with the fact that I’m sarcastic as hell and quite opinionated, and you’ve got yourself some interesting reading material. And as I sit here, waiting for my overpriced haircut, there’s much to observe.

            Her job is to ring up tickets at the end of customer transactions. Every time I see her at the local barbershop, she’s got some super tight, revealing shit on…each outfit more scandalous than the last. Okay, Miss…we get it. You have a fat ass and big tits. Now, I don’t judge people…but I am opinionated. Some people would call her sexy. I call her desperate- Her attire appearing to be an outward sign of a sista that craves attention from men. It baffles me how sistas take on the persona of Eye Candy or the Workplace Vixen, then become irate when us brothas don’t take em seriously.

            I have many female friends who frequent the club scene here in Philadelphia; the 5th largest city in the nation, producing nightlife clubs that range from upscale chic to hood as hell and potential homicide scenes. What I’ve never understood is the female friends of mine who go to clubs, and expect not to get hit on. Does that make any sense? Why continue to go out to places, dressed to kill, and then complain when brothers approach you? Does a man go to a job fair, complete with resume and tailored suit-then complain when a company offers him a position?!?

            I actually have female friends who go out to clubs and complain when brothas wanna dance with them. They say that they simply come to dance with their female friends or dance by themselves. Interesting. Personally, I say keep ya ass home and watch BET, but hey…it’s simply my opinion.

            The most annoying complaint that I’m forced to listen to is about the men that these women meet at clubs. Remember…they’re not there to meet men. But somehow they end up meeting men, and exchanging numbers with them. Here’s where things get really stupid and confusing; So after they dance with this guy that they didn’t come to dance with, and give their personal information to someone that they’re not interested in having it…then they agree to go out on several dates…and get all spooked when the man actually shows interest in them! I’ve heard, “I’m not looking for anything serious” but what exactly are most of these women looking for?!? Many seem to want to meet a man who will take them out and show them a good time. The problem with this type of woman is that A) she wants the man to continually pay for it and B) She doesn’t wanna have sex with him-she simply wants to have “fun.” And she feels as though she can “date” several other brothas in this manner at her discretion.

I don’t wanna sound like the typical asshole, but who the hell is gonna take someone out over and overpay for it…and be fine with no type of commitment or sex?!? See…these women don’t want one of us in their lives. These sistas need a Gay male friend; Someone who will have a plethora of fun, no sexual interest, and no problems picking up the tab at the end of the night.

            So how do we read these types of people and avoid them and their insane disposition on dating? To be honest…I don’t know. When I figure it out, I’m sure I’ll be writing about it. (smile) The interesting thing about this type of female is that she does not communicate through gesture or touch-she appears quite normal on the surface. I believe that 85% of the time, they’re simply victims of previous heartbreak…and their sole mission is to make you pay for what some dickhead did 5 years ago.

            In the ladies’ defense, there are many of us who are administering those same horrid dating tactics. You will find the brothas who are allegedly in the market to meet good women, but will use one past indiscretion of a woman from their freshman year of college to justify commitment issues. When the ladies or the fellas use these previous instances of heartbreak as a crutch, it can only be summed up in one word: LAME. Somehow, we’ve got to figure out what signs they give off and find ways to read them and avoid contact.

            There are a multiplicity of fools who frequent the club scene that exude a multitude of nonverbal communications-signs that are usually accurately interpreted ahead of time by the street-savvy male or female. First, we have the SISTA THAT AIN’T TRYNA PAY FOR SHIT-we all know where she’s gonna be; she’ll be sitting at the bar all damn night-dressed to kill. Now, after we shelled out $20 to get in the stupid club, whereas she got in free because she’s A) a lady and B) a pretty one, now we’re expected to provide overpriced, watered-down drinks to her and her girlfriends? The BROTHA THAT AIN’T TRYNA PAY FOR SHIT is a little different. He can be at the bar all night or simply working the room, holding the same Rum and Coke all night. He’s willing to engage in conversation with the attractive sista, but if there’s a request from a female to purchase a drink-his line of choice is “Now, why does a man hafta buy a woman a drink just to talk to her?” Is it wrong that 100% of us men agree with that statement?

            A popular form of nonverbal communication found in Philly nightlife is the moron that simply grabs a ladies’ arm or waist when he wants her attention. Note to the fellas: Good women hate that. The patented arm grab technique only works on chicken-heads, welfare abusers, and the sistas who spend more hours a week on their backs or on all fours than they do in the workplace. Reaching for the wrong woman in a club can potentially lead to an embarrassing curse out, the patented mean mug from a sista, or a face full of pepper spray.

“The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.” 

-Hubert H. Humphrey

…These are The Random Thoughts of Ronald Gray…