“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used
Synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.” Jane Austen
Why are so many people with various positive qualities so arrogant? Ladies complain about “good brothas” who would make good counterparts in a relationship, because he acts as though he’s God’s gift to women. Men complain about “positive sistas” who are marriage material, because they’re arrogant and unapproachable. Are people who are “hot commodities” in today’s society destined to be full of themselves because of a low supply and high demand for good people? Or are they simply misunderstood and the victims of negative sounds bites from jaded lovers and people too intimidated to dig beneath the surface? I recently explored the type of sisters that I come across in my hometown of Philadelphia-and by the way…there are always exceptions to the rules! But, due to a recent demand from my female readers-it is time to explore the type of guys that sistas come across in today’s market. Perhaps it can serve an educating tool to some who continually come across the same jerk over and over and wonder what they’re doing wrong. Forget all of the typical guys that SMART sistas avoid, like the ex con, the drug dealer, the pimp, and the psycho guy that talks to himself in the corner of the club. There are some of us out there that y’all should avoid-who still call them selves “great brothers.”
1. THE “RESUME DROPPING” BROTHER- The “resume dropping” Brotha, is simply the brother who talk about himself too much. He runs off his positive qualities to a woman, like a Power-Point presentation. If you see him at a bar and simply ask, “How are you doing today?” His initial response will sound something like:
“Well, I can’t really complain. I’m doin’ pretty well. I just got my 3rd raise at my job and am looking forward to closing on a 5-bedroom house on Friday! I just finished my Master’s from Brown University and maybe later on tonight, I’m gonna look over some stocks that I recently purchased and see how they’re doing.”
That is what’s commonly known as “dropping your resume.” It’s a vain attempt to be recognized and let women know who you are from the jump. The benefit of this brother is that he’s usually doing exceptionally well for himself. Sistas want a man that can provide, and here he is. The disadvantage is that he comes with his own unique drama. You hafta be able to deal with his bullshit and his arrogance. He’s doing well and he wants you to KNOW IT! Sadly, men who drop their resume often aren’t doing as well as they’d like you to believe. Chances are, after all of his lofty purchases, he’s barely holding on and will send himself into debt trying to impress you. He’s the guy with the 2009 BMW 745 that barely has enough of his debit card for gas.
2. Mr. “I’M NOT LOOKIN’ FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS”- This is the brother who isn’t looking for a relationship. You gotta respect this guy, though. He’s just looking to “do him” and is usually straight up with you from the jump-most of the time! LOL Sometimes a man will start off as a romantic and become this kind of man after sex comes into the equation, but usually he’s one of the most honest guys you’ll encounter. The problem with meeting this man (and most sistas will hate me for saying this) is that Women often sign contracts in invisible ink! What I mean by that is this; Oftentimes women are so caught up in the fantasy of what we COULD be, that they ignore who we ARE, right in front of their eyes. The dating game is like buying a TV stand from IKEA. That shit looks so easy to do, and you hafta assemble it yaself. You empty the box and see all these intricate parts and you’re like “Damn, I didn’t know there would be all these parts.” Many times we’re arrogant and we think we know it all, so we don’t even look at the instructions (just like a woman doesn’t look at the warning signs). Next thing you know, you’re halfway done and you realize you missed a very valuable step and gotta start the shit all over again because ya dumb ass didn’t read the instructions -that told you that the wheels go on FIRST! LOL I love my black sistas dearly, but if you’re relationship oriented, you gotta learn to look elsewhere and not chase this brotha. Often, when we say “I’m not looking for a relationship”, women really hear “Baby, I’m not looking for anything RIGHT NOW…But…if you just give me a lil’ time, perhaps we can be together.” In your defense, I will say that there are plenty of BROTHAS signing contracts in invisible ink as well!
3. THE CHURCH GOER- Now, some people will say, “Ron…why would someone hafta be careful meeting a church-going brother?” The answer is simple; because there are all types of weirdo’s who go to church…and many for all the wrong reasons. Church is commonly known as one of the BEST places to meet gorgeous women! Every man knows this. And there are many Muslim brothas in the Temple plottin’ too! LOL and there are men in the Catholic Churches-eyeing the thick Latina during the mass from 7 pews behind! He’s the sharpest dressed brotha IN the church, but doesn’t even own a Bible.
Completely off topic…but what is it that makes every woman believe she is a Proverbs 31:10 (virtuous) woman? For those that aren’t familiar with that passage, it goes, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For Her value is worth far more than rubies.”
It’s a commonly quoted scripture; a scripture that women often used to describe themselves. The problem is that most of the people that throw it around aren’t virtuous! They don’t even read the entire chapter about the list of things that personify the “virtuous woman.” I personally love Proverbs 31:30, which after listing the ADDITIONAL things a woman needs to be virtuous, states Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Oh, yall didn’t know I was RAISED in the church? Be careful quoting biblical scripture around folk that know what it means….lol
4. In a previous “Random Thought”, I quoted my awesome friend, Felecia-who used to say, “you take the guesswork outta relationships by asking questions.” One major trick that I’ve learned that women can apply is learning the right kinds of questions to ask. For example, if a woman asks me, Ron…what kind of women do you like? I usually don’t even bother to answer-because all men tend to like the same positive qualities in a woman. We like them smart, athletic, nice body, funny, humble, educated (notice I have “smart” and “educated” as two separate things) honest, caring, blah blah blah. Most women, being very vain and arrogant will assume that I’m describing them. But…a woman who asks the RIGHT questions, will want to know “what kind of woman does Ron NOT like.” Now the process of elimination begins. The next time a man asks you what you like, describe the brotha you don’t like! LOL Weed through the bullshit early. Fuck describing brothas who are caring, friendly, attractive, and ambitious…we already know that. When you say “I don’t want a man who smokes, I don’t want a man with kids, I don’t want a man who doesn’t have his own place, I don’t want a man who still plays Video Games! I” LOL-NOW you are starting the process of elimination and are one step closer to finding who’s right for you. Once again off topic: But, what’s up with sistas and these “height requirements” for men?!? I see sistas who are 4’11 saying that they need a man to be 6 feet or taller? For what?!? To humiliate you in a game of Basketball?!? I guess to each his own, but brothas don’t seem to have those requirements…and for the record, I’m 6’1 and 193 lbs. I have yet to receive any complaints about size (no pun intended) LMAO!!!
5. The TROPHY MAN- Ladies, be weary of the trophy man. What good is a man who has the body of an Adonis, but has the I.Q. of Mustard? The Trophy man may look good on your arm, but that may be about it. To lower your standards and settle for the man who can only serve as eye candy and occasionally fuck you silly, is a recipe for disaster. Many Males and Females who look insanely good, honestly believe that their only task in a relationship is simply to look good. The trophy man is usually the man that will lure you in with his carnal smile and charm. Be patient and dig a lil’ deeper. It’s usually very easy to spot the chinks in his armor with patience. When questioned about his income, he’s likely to say he’s “self employed”, which is usually a cute lil’ way of saying he’s UN-employed…and has been for some time. The trophy man tends to lack real direction and will be a Jack of all trades-but a master of none. He’s a Rapper, then he’s a producer, then he wants to act, then he wants to Throw Parties at Clubs (that’s the latest trend), then he wants to model…every 3 months it’s something different.
6. Mr. “LEMME BUY YOU A DRINK” aka Mr. “MAKE IT RAIN”- I think every woman has dated one of these guys…and still has his number stored in the cell in case of emergency-when ya man has pissed you off and you need to get out the house. He’s the flashy high roller; the mindless idiot that throws money around just because.
There are several benefits to this guy. He can be good for a free dinner! He is also good for providing you and your girlfriends with free drinks at the local club or bar. The most common disadvantage of accepting drinks from Mr. Make It Rain, is he’ll now assume you’re really interested in him and now you’ve got this fool following you around the club until closing. I’m always reminded of one of the comedy skits on The Chappelle Show, where he’s in the bar and screams, “Hey! I bought that bitch a drink!”
If sistas choose to engage this type of man, be ready and willing to deal with the aftereffects of accepting things from strangers. Many women say things like “He knows what’s up” ...but does he?
7. THE BROTHA WITH PLENTY OF FEMALE FRIENDS- I guess I could fall into this category. I have a shit load of female friends. The advantage is that he tends to be a much better listener than the average male. He is very analytical and honest and will give you sound advice when you need it. He tells you what you need to hear, never just what you want to hear. The biggest issues with him are simple; he’s got way too many female friends! LOL An insecure woman is a technical mismatch for this type of brotha. Now, I know that no women outright defines herself as “insecure.” The inflated ego of black women won’t allow that. Well, ladies…Have you ever hacked into your man’s email account? Have you ever hacked into his facebook or myspace inbox to READ all his messages? Have you gone through his pockets or his cell phone? Have you had a girl friend try and holla at him and report back to you later? If you’ve answered, “yes” to any of these…Yo’ ass is insecure! LMAO
But I will say this; 90% of our opposite sex friends have ulterior motives. Most of you ladies have male friends comprised of a) ex boyfriends, who remain close to you as “friends” b) that guy you don’t like in that manner, who really likes you-so you keep him as your “friend” c) you two have always been crazy about each other, but you’re both in relationships and keep each other around as “friends” or d) the guy you’d fuck silly at the drop of a dime, but you don’t now how to tell him, so you remain “friends.” Most male friends are just secretly waiting their turn at love with you.
8. THE FATHER-Women’s ideal man has no outside children. In a perfect world, we meet our untouched mate, fall in love and live like the Cosby’s. In today’s society, you ask if someone has children and they’re likely to throw out a number similar to an NBA roster. I think sistas have it better when they meet a man with kids, because usually the children don’t live with the Dad. Men may have it a lil’ tougher, because if there are multiple children (and older children), it becomes difficult to have privacy. If there are younger children, it becomes difficult to do spur of the moment things with the female. Outings involve planning and MONEY for babysitters. The older you get, the more you have to come to grips with the fact that many people have started families, and many should become more open to the notion of dating Mothers or Fathers. If you can avoid the Baby Mama Drama…then it may be something worth looking at.
My good friend Elizabeth from B-More was telling me about how her line sister had a 10 year-old car named “Betsey” and when she got her brand new Camry, she never drove her old car. Every now and then she’d say “Im gonna take Betsey for a drive today.” She’d get in the old car, start it up, then remember she didn’t like the way the car drove anymore, turn it off…and get in the new Camry! She just wanted to see if it would start for her. In life, we have people who do the same shit. Old flames try and come back in our lives…start us up, fill us with hope…then dip off as soon as we get all excited again. There are alotta people resurfacing in my life now. I dunno if it’s Valentine’s, or people tested the market and realized that these new shiny models aren’t what they appear and they weren’t reading the fine print before purchase! LMAO But- to all my friends reading this…don’t let the ex’s do it to ya…Don’t get “Betsy-ed!” This one was for the Ladies…
…These Are The Random Thoughts Of Ronald Gray…